Putting The Right Words, In The Right Order.
It has been a bit of an odd last 5 years for me (as a songwriter). I have been pretty much working on this one track- which I will go into detail about later- as well as crafting a debut E.P. I have stated that my music ambition projectiles are out of sequence. I have named and written- pretty much- all of the five tracks, that I want to include on the E.P. I have designed the front and back cover; every little photographic detail to do with that, as well as clever little design ideas for it (that I am keeping secret). As a wannabe photographer, I have also designed a few portrait pictures and designs, as well as photos that can be included within the booklet. Every visual detail is pretty much worked out, and I have also formulated the ins and outs of the E.P. Each track will flow into one another; barring a four second pause after track 4. It will be a concept E.P., in the sense that it tells of the relationship between two people, and the development, break-ups and joy across the course of the romance. The difference is, that it will work backwards. The first song tells of the recrimination and fall-out from the relationship, whereas tracks 2,3 and 4 work backwards towards the very beginning of the relationship. The final track differs, but I will get to that. I am planning to use different recording techniques, employing older recording equipment, together with brand new- pushing the limits and paying as much detail to the overall sound as anything. In all of this I am keen to keep the release mostly physical. As unreliable and fragile as C.D.s are, I am determined to put it onto disc- as well as a digital release- and have a clever and eye-catching C.D. design too. I feel that music is subjugating and forgetting about the visual and artistic aspects. Less attention is paid towards a stunning album cover, and few artists and bands put much effort into creating designs that are different and classic. As a- again wannabe- music video director, I have one very clear concept in mind, and hope that track 2- an Arcade Fire-cum-Radiohead-esque track- will be the lead-off; tied to a video idea that I have been obsessed by (inspired by Michel Gondry's video for Lucas With The Lid Off), which will feature an actress moving from scene to scene, with the camera constantly moving. I know no one wants to hear of it, but I am excited none-the-less. My point is, that I have all of the 'finer' details worked out; have been working on my voice and all of that, but need one thing: the band itself. I need a band member to help compose the music for the tracks, as that is the one area I need most help on, but essentially want to find four guys (or girls) to help complete the band. The plan for 2014 was the get away from the drawbacks of home and my current life, and persue what I want to do in life: not what I need to do for money. I feel I have spent too long just ticking along and not doing what- I feel- I am best/best-suited to do. I feel that all of my other creative ambitions- music cafe, music website, setting up a record label; directing and comedy writing- will emanate from the completion of the E.P.- it will give me the energy and impetus to keep pushing. Below is the final track list and how it will all appear. I know how each song will sound and what the quality level will be; but as I say, just need the band members. I am painfully aware I need quite a bit of money, not only to record songs, but to practise with and recruit a band, and make all the moves needed to record. I am looking on websites but not seeing many available musicians, so will keep trying to find people. I feel that when situated in London, it will be a lot easier, so am painfully desperate to get to London in the spring- I am not sure how but will need to find a way.
Death of the Sweetheart:
'Marriage: The BeautifulRevenge'
Black Majesty Blues-
Last To The Trigger, First One To Shoot-
I have been excited by the first four tracks, hugely, yet the aim of this post, was to breathe a deep breath- because of the final track. For the past five years I have been honing and working on the lyrics for the track Vanity Mirror. It began life as a different track (Infamy As Child), was re-written and re-written again. It has been a song I have been obsessed with and determined to complete, yet have never been satisfied with the lyrics when on paper. Thanks to a good friend, Kate Hollowood, she has given the thumbs up, and been very kind, about the lyrics I have given to her to read. Obviously I write a lot as a blogger/reviewer and sing obsessively (with my weird and all-over-the-place voice), and feel that the hardest aspect to nail is lyrics. Not many bands or artists are notable because of their lyrics (there is still too much focus on the voice), and I have always been inspired by the older and newer greats, like Dylan, Cohen, Young, Morrissey and (Alex) Turner. The first time I have been truly satisfied with the final product, is now. The song is just over eight minutes long, and there has no be enough room for the music itself. I feel that the words below are some of my best, and have a bit of an emotional range to them, too. The actual song itself will feature huge orchestration, guitar parables inspired by Sweet Child O' Mine, a huge vocal choir and chorus, as well as incredible still romanticism and an attempt at a classic intro. The music itself is a huge facet, so I just hope I have not employed too many words- I think it'll all fit. The full details for the song are available in previous blog posts, but just wanted to put on paper the words: as it has been a long time coming:
Vanity Mirror (8:02).
My final words were the very same as my first
Silver nights in satin’s regard, oh how I long for you
Wilderness, broken water and silk are on your side
And I can’t bear to get over you
The kiss upon your hair lying naked on the floor
Love is not for heroes but for those who win the war
Awake in the arms of the man of my dreams
Because tonight we have too much in common
I’m saying goodbye to a God that never believed in me
Because beauty shows no mercy for beauty
You asked me which came first: the chicken or the egg?
Yet I’ve been running scared long before I was ever bred
Hold me like your brothers-in-arms so that we relate
Lost in your eyes because I can’t go on this way
To sink the cedar witnesses and trip the tongue of fate
You want the kind of love your mother used to love
A common muse for the chosen few
When you’re a man who looks like me
It’s not such a gift to see… what you do to me
Well you like chasing ghosts
Because they won’t come back to haunt you
And knowing that you’re never alone
Is the loneliest thing of all
The third-rate joke; second-hand smoke; first-class bitch
I’ve blown them all to scratch an itch
Better to fail at acting the punch-line, to succeed at acting the joke
Alone in a room with life, death and you
And each of them are only thinking of themselves
I bit your lip, cut your thigh to see doves fly the flood of your rags
Felt conquered flat by black language and frozen tall by the rip in your flag
Love songs only say it best if the best is good enough
Not all the cards that I hold to my chest will call the Devil’s bluff
The mirror isn't a prophecy, merely a reflection of ourselves
The cat swallows the poison, the dog runs to the bell.
I’m the murderer in the romantic comedy
The mime artist in the film of the great war
The extra in the lavish musical
The hangman in the epic story of the lord
You can laugh at my condition
If you think it makes you tall
Although my scream is never heard
My silence says it all
It’s all really just a front/To leave the past behind.
Titancially-built/For survivor's guilt
Arrogance through illness/And reality is the only cure
I was sent a Christmas card from the city morgue
Talking of new year’s plans and enquiring about my health
My love will you give me your hand
From inside of that young man?
Va te faire foutre, tomber raide mort...
Faire un essai!
There's enough regret in barber shops and your Sicilian Defence is no alibi
I was born out of misconception whilst my father danced to TV static
Sleeping Beauty plays poker with Satan in the big charity game
She offers maternal damnation and he bluffs to her eternal fame
Infamy’s Child has found
When the fearless shall be crowned
Born into the same old world/So why do it to them? (*10)
If you're not alive today/Then you are missing out. (*10)
My mother tongue came undone to sing a farewell midnight kiss
In the distance between the Jasmine Chorus and the edge of the abyss
As the Angel of Battersea she’d heard every line in the book
But the cover to the rules of love is never judged upon its looks
With your fingers teasing shivers I didn’t have a choice
I was born with the burden of a platinum voice
But it doesn’t take a cardiologist to know abandoned ships will rust
The sun and moon switched place
The night I saw your face
We’ll pray together to think for ourselves
Love and faith are double-blind, their truths diving rods
When bad point to vengeful man, when good a loving God
Eulogised the truth that lies in disguise and rhyme
I’m learning to be older in the balance of all time
Intention out of pure context should be word enough
Not all the cards I hold to my chest can call the Devil’s bluff
We both know the love that we make
Will never be equal to the love that we take
If I put into words my innermost emotions
It couldn't fill the void between the heavens and the ocean
When you coloured the lights of London because they reminded you of home
The earth beneath my feet trembled more than you could have ever known
Clouds hold only memories from all who’ve ever been
The woman of my dreams wakes in her sleep
I often think of life, and exactly what it means
It's the difference between all I've felt and all I've ever been
I know we're brave my darling so let us take the leap
Your soul inside of me I'll forever keep...
There are going to be a lot of horrors, stresses, setbacks and disappointments this year, but I realistically hope that making the E.P. is going to be the biggest step. It may be the case that the first song is recorded, but as I intend that to by Vanity Mirror, that will be a big achievement; hell just getting a band formed will be a big leap. The factor of money is the biggest barrier, and raising enough to record, rehearse and release music will be something I am going to have to figure out. If I can find a way to get to London, and make a start, that will be good. I may have to have two or three different jobs, but will try to figure something out. If my year progresses or ends any other way, I shall be very disappointed and feel a failure- so the impetus to succeed in spite of everything, is there. I have five goals this year, and one of them is to put some music on to tape, so having lyrics in front of me and knowing what I want to record is a big step. It may not seem overly-impressive or hugely ambitious on paper, but have worked out enough in my head (compositions, mood shifts etc) to know that the end result will be worth the struggle. Another 'real life' week begins again tomorrow, but am dreaming of spring, making plans and making moves. There are people I haven't met and I want to; goals I want to get ticked off; become more independent, and start putting my money where my mouth is.
I know that bad weather and horrible conditions squelch any ambitions or sunnier thoughts. Hopefully by March or April things will be better, so seems like the time to start getting active and motivated. I know a lot of musicians and hope that they are making plans; lots of others who have goals and things they want to do this year; so hopefully they can all achieve everything they want to do. I just have this one request of all: If you hear of four wonderfully talented musicians:
Can you point them my way?