Feature- Relationship Status: "It's Complicated"


Relationship Status:

"It's Complicated"

THIS will be a short one, as it has been an odd last few days...

to be honest. I am back to music duties on Monday, yet have had a lot to reflect recently. This morning I started- and completed- a half-marathon. I was running on behalf of Cancer Research U.K.- a marvellous charity that is in need of as much money as possible. Members of my family are donating, and that money will be pledged to a local hospice. My uncle, Mark, died recently and was supported by the Royal Marsden Cancer Charity. With his funeral taking place yesterday, it seemed appropriate timing that I was running today- but am sad that he did not live to hear about it. I won't bore you with the ins-and-outs of the run itself, suffice it to say, it was the toughest physical endeavour I have undertaken. My legs are screaming; my feet blistered- and I am slumped against the wall as I type. In spite of all the (inevitable) results of a 14 mile run, I feel proud that I have done it. Making it to the end was the target, and did what I set out to do. Tonight, I will spend a few hours relaxing and reflecting, but something weighs heavy on my mind...

I will give special props. to Kate Hollowood and Adele Pierce. These two human beings are the ONLY people whom have donated to my cause. Outside of social media, I have had various contributions from family (and extended family), yet only two from anywhere else. I am deeply appreciative and thankful that these two lovely people have donated- if they hadn't then it would have been embarrassed. I guess I am angry. There are quite a few people on Facebook and Twitter whom I have supported endlessly. Money has been pitched into their music ambitions; presents bought (when they needed a lift); projects and so forth have been endless shared and promoted. Many people have new connections because of me; some have made big strides in their personal lives as well as music careers. I always endeavour to give as much as I can to as many as I can- because that is the person I am. I do not expect anything in return (it would be nice now and then), but it seems pretty appalling when it comes to this. I was- and am- not raising money for me; if this were a Kickstarter campaign for my music I would still be infuriated. I ran for a worthy charity, to help beat a disease that killed my uncle- something that should be a no-brainer when thinking about donating. There are no excuses that can be levied out. I know people have bills to pay, but guess what: so does everyone. I am unemployed, spending money on others and in the midst of a lot of illness and uncertainty. I am forging ahead and keeping strong; focusing on my future firmly, yet am not exactly in a position when I can boast about my life. I cannot afford to move from home; I have not be on holiday for 13 years and cannot even afford to go out much- and yet I contribute!

This post is not meant as a rant; and I am acutely aware of the irony, in the sense that no one will read this. I feel I am always giving to so many people without question; without thinking about it- some people have received so much from me. All I asked was for a token sum of money for a brilliant cause that is set up to help eradicate an indiscriminate dictator. Thanks to Kate and Adele, and it is a huge shame that everyone else ignored my kind requests (and the firmer ones). I will be thinking a great deal about who I want to be associated with in future- deleting people from Facebook. There are a few people I will not get rid of regardless, yet quite a few I have reached the end of my tether with. In an age where it is axiomatic that we should give as much as possible to noble charities, it is a sad reflection that I have had to rally so hard and endlessly bang my head against a wall. I don't care if people donate (now) because of guilt; because they feel like they are being forced into it- everyone is going to be in a position (some day) where cancer affects their lives. Every charity post that comes from my online 'friends' I do my best to kick in; same goes with Kickstarter and any other donation. I buy music, show support and never think twice. I can only imagine that the lack of donations coming through, is because of selfishness and a lack of caring. I have been very depressed and saddened seeing the total I have raised (£70 so far) and actually am glad my uncle is not around to see it- I would hope to be in triple figures after nearly three months of setting up my Just Giving page.

Anyway, as I have stated, anyone I feel SHOULD have donated will no longer be in my life come next week- why should I give so much when they cannot be bothered to help? Most people urge me to make music and record as soon as possible, and I wonder what would be the point; I would be surprised if anyone actually bothered to listen to it. I guess it is a rant, but a justified one; I am just annoyed that other people's friends donate to their charity causes, yet when it comes to my online contacts, the purses and wallets are empty. In spite of the anger and annoyance I am feeling, I am proud of myself for running. The money raised for some very lovely people will help and I am sure that my aunt will be pleased to hear of my day.

In a general sense, I am just imploring people to be more thoughtful and less selfish. I will not stop donating and expending effort ensuring that I assist my friends, but it is imperative that things change. I don't care what your financial situation is at the moment- if you can afford to get pissed or to throw money away, you can afford to donate a few pounds to causes like mine. As stated, most people will probably not see this; those whom are culpable will not amend their ways, so it seems a bit lacking- I just needed to get it off my chest. On a day where I have pushed myself harder than ever, I would like to think that it is not entirely in vain. So, if you have even a quid going spare...

PUT it my way!