Friday the 13th, Valentine's' 14th: Reflect on the 15th.
I am going to keep this one (nice and) brief…
as a lot of words have been expounded (about Valentine’s Day). Yesterday was the dreading ‘Friday the 13th’: a day/date synonymous with bad luck. I have always felt superstition (like destiny/karma) quite a ridiculous proposition: people control their lives/action; the universe has no hand- misfortune does not save itself for an asinine (date on the calendar). Valentine’s Day has received derision- from singletons such as myself- for its commercialism; forced nature, and well, let’s face it- its smugness. Lots of happy couples; lots of nascent profferings- a great deal of ‘love’. I am ambivalent and tumescent (when it comes to today). Being single- I have been single every Valentine’s Day- the day holds little relevance to me (much like New Year’s Day/Eve). I guess every ‘holiday’ day is commercial and unnecessary- as an atheist, Christmas’ greatest strength is gift-giving and lack of religious input. As I sink into the evening with a glass of red wine- and perhaps a beer- I feel this weekend holds great significance. In so much as I am glad for people (who are in relationships)- who get to have some pre-approved copulation and romance (you can see why I am single), it provides an excellent opportunity for people like me- and many others- to do something good.
This year I have made some bad mistakes. In addition to fu*****-up a friend’s life- a social media friend- and falling out of regular contact, I have been culpable of other transgressions: chief amongst them is not being a better person. I consider myself to be quite thoughtful and generous- I give to charity as much as I can. Days like today ram home some perspective: make me think about what is missing (from my life). The need to find love is paramount (loneliness can be a serious bitch) but being a more rounded and decent human (is my main aim for 2015). As Facebook and Twitter fill up with declarations of love; photos of gleaming couples (and some rather saucy remarks), it has a bitter-sweet edge: it makes me feel a little hollow. If I could go back in time, I would reduce my fu**-ups: stop being so damn eager to please people/’be me’. I hate the idea of a New Year’s Resolution- because nobody sticks to them; people very rarely change who they are. I have decided that- for the rest of this year- I am going to be that rarest of lifeforms: the human that changes because they WANT to (and not feeling some need to conform. My goals for this year are as follows:
Move to London (Soho preferably)
Work in London (in the music industry ideally)
Form a band and record an E.P. (or at least get my voice on tape)
Fall in love (or at least find someone special)
Claim back lost friends
Travel more (I have ALWAYS wanted to visit Italy)
Be as good to my sister (as she is to me)
Fix problems/break-ups I have caused
Donate more (I am giving blood this year; registered as an organ donor)
Do something insane/unconventional (I am seriously considering donating a part of my liver to a stranger)
Try and reduce the impact depression has on my life
Help as many people as possible, and…
DO MORE. I feel like I have done a lot for others- but am always driven to do more- and see too much heartache and tragedy. Recently a dear music friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer; a distant relative of mine was killed; a colleague’s son was diagnosed with cancer- I have received some shock news and blows, too. I look around and see a lot of sadness and inequality and cannot stand it- I am too fidgety; too motivated to stand still. Today has made me reflect on things that are wrong with the world: the stupidity and iniquities that surround us.
Not as a ‘fad’ or temporary measure, I have been driven- by other people’s happiness- to do more: not just for others, but for me too. I am switching to vegetarianism (for moral reasons) and eating less sugar and sweets (I am in pretty bloody good shape but my heart sure as hell isn’t); moving to London (and doing what I should have done years ago). I have grown tired of living a ‘9-to-5’ existence: working for the hell of it; not taking risks; being stressed living where I am. Other people’s illnesses and misfortune has really got to me. In the next couple of days- to continue the themes of love/giving- I am donating to several charities; leaving a gift to a local music school; sending flowers anonymously; taking a homeless man (who I know) to lunch; doing a lot of random giving/gestures. Not for the sake of blowing my own trumpet (I literally have no ego whatsoever), but to feel more like a worthy human being: at the moment I am in doubt regarding my self-worth and necessity on earth. Outside of that, I want to reach a lot more people: contribute to REAL CHANGE. In addition to continuing reviewing/promoting musicians (one of my true loves) I want to get something done about the world. I am proper pissed-off with the gap between the rich and poorer: the (needlessly) deep pockets of tech giants and businesses; the shallow tins of the charities and needy. In addition to doing some various charity bits- have a new half-marathon coming next month; some older campaigns to re-launch- I am tired of being a minor cog. The plan I have is ambitious- and I will dedicate a full-length blog to it- but it will be a charity idea (I hope to take viral); involve some very cool ideas- and involve some huge names (such as Google, YouTube, Apple and Microsoft) play a part: make sure that millions is raised (for multiple causes and charities). It may seem idealistic and far-reaching, but it is possible: I am fed up with feeling like crap every day (and worrying about everyone).
What is the point of this blog, then? Well, today is a special day for many: for many more, it involves exclusion and emptiness. I am glad that (so many people I know) are happy (and in love): I wouldn’t sacrifice that for anything in the world. To me, today has greater relevance (than lazy poems and sugar-coated platitudes): it is the incentive to be better human being. Friday may have been- if you buy into superstitious nonsense- a horrible one; today may be an awesome one- I can almost detect the far-off orchestra of squeaking bed springs- you know what: make tomorrow (and next week) a bloody EPIC one! If someone like me (hardly the most spectacular flower in the Garden of Eden) can get up and become motivated then everyone (should and can) do the same. You don’t have to do huge things, but do something unusual/unplanned: small things can go a long way (to making someone else smile). As I bid the evening a sweet farewell (and reflect on things) enjoy the evening: those in their lover’s arms, or those comfortable in their solo awesome-ness. If Valentine’s Day passes you by- with its baffling brevity/specificity- then it could (no: SHOULD) inspire something just as meaningful: that desire to make some (even if they are small) differences. If you balk at V.D.’s sentimentality, then at least compel your arse to get up and do something GOOD. After all…
THAT gives today a much greater meaning.