FEATURE:
What I Was Made For
IN THIS PHOTO: Billie Eilish photographed for Variety in November 2023/PHOTO CREDIT: Victoria Stevens
Power of Women: Billie Eilish, Female Resilience, and Triumphing Over Adversity
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THIS is my second feature…
IN THIS PHOTO: Billie Eilish (far right) alongside fellow Power of Women LA inductees/guests including Fantasia Barrino (second from right) on 16th November, 2023/PHOTO CREDIT: Michael Buckner/Variety
related to Variety’s recent Power of Women event that took place in Los Angeles recently. It was a celebration and recognition of women in entertainment. Those who have achieved and inspired. Those who have overcome adversity and triumphed. In fields that are not that open and accepting of women or have struggled to striker a gender balance and create a fair and equitable landscape, it is important that we shine a light on amazing women through entertainment. I am going to come to an interview from Variety with Billie Eilish. She was an honouree at the event. Her words and the interview made me think more widely about women through music. Eilish says, even now, it is a war being a woman. There is constant pressure and double standards. I will come to something she said about body image and judgement/objectification that some have challenged. There are parts of that interview that got me thinking:
“That tenuous relationship with femininity and womanhood has only recently started to change for her, following the July release of the “Barbie” song. The soaring, somber piano ballad is placed at the emotional climax of the Warner Bros. blockbuster, scoring a scene where Rhea Perlman’s Ruth Handler teaches Margot Robbie’s Barbie what it means to be a woman. “Take my hands. Close your eyes. Now, feel,” she says, offering Barbie visions of real women’s lives.
The scene spawned a heartwarming TikTok trend in which more than 1.3 million users made video collages set to the song, sharing their own experiences of girlhood. “It was so moving, dude. It was so, so touching,” Eilish says. “I feel like I helped bring people together, and it felt so special. I wasn’t expecting to have women around the world feel connected.”
IN THIS PHOTO: Billie Eilish arrives at the 2019 Variety's Hitmakers Brunch at Soho House on 7th December, 2019/PHOTO CREDIT: Amanda Edwards/FilmMagic
In the song’s official music video, which the singer directed, Eilish faces earthquakes, wind and heavy rain as she unpacks a small box with Barbie-sized versions of her most iconic looks: mostly oversized T-shirts and sweatpants. That signature style provoked praise, attention and even Halloween costumes — but with it came unwanted speculation. What was Eilish hiding?
“I wasn’t trying to have people not sexualize me,” she explains. “But I didn’t want people to have access to my body, even visually. I wasn’t strong enough and secure enough to show it. If I had shown it at that time, I would have been completely devastated if people had said anything.”
She takes a deep breath. “Maybe my not really caring about being sexualized is because I’ve never felt desired or desirable.” Eilish leans back into the couch and wraps herself tighter in a big blue baseball jacket, her jet-black hair peeking out from under a black beanie.
PHOTO CREDIT: Victoria Stevens
“I’ve never felt like a woman, to be honest with you. I’ve never felt desirable. I’ve never felt feminine. I have to convince myself that I’m, like, a pretty girl,” she says. “I identify as ‘she/her’ and things like that, but I’ve never really felt like a girl.”
As she wrestled with these feelings growing up, Eilish also had to contend with the media’s mounting curiosity about her developing body. The rare moments when she wore tighter clothing were irresistible fodder for tabloids.
“I have big boobs. I’ve had big boobs since I was nine years old, and that’s just the way I am. That’s how I look,” she says, becoming exasperated as she recalls the media frenzy when she first dared to wear a tank top in public at age 16. “You wear something that’s at all revealing, and everyone’s like, ‘Oh, but you didn’t want people to sexualize you?’” She scoffs and answers the trolls: “You can suck my ass! I’m literally a being that is sexual sometimes. Fuck you!”
Eilish went on to say that men are not judged when it comes to their body. Whether stick-thin, muscular or podgy, that is all cool. The thing that girls and women do not say anything negative because they are nice. Whilst it is true that women are less cruel and obsessed with the men’s bodies fitting an ideal, some noted how plenty of men get judged. I don’t think it is a major thing. Boys in schools get picked on. Some men get critiques regarding their bodies. If Eilish’s statement isn’t 100% true, she did have a point regarding objectivity and standards. It is terrific that there are events like Power of Women. With so few award ceremonies and evenings that specifically spotlight the achievements of women, it is so vital that we discuss and keep alive events such as Power of Women. Check out the other Power of Women (or Power of Women LA to be precise) interviews. They make for fascinating reading. I am always interested in reading what Billie Eilish had to say. What she said about not feeling like a woman/desirable is really compelling. Is there this perception that women should be ‘feminine’, and anyone who does not dress in a certain way is not desirable? Music still sexualises women so much. Women have to be dressed glamorously at award ceremonies and pose in particular ways. It is very odd and incongruous. So many other artists and young fans of Eilish will feel the same way. I do think other genders are conscious about their bodies and will have pressure and judgement from others. Even so, it is women who will have the most scrutiny!
IN THIS PHOTO: Billie Eilish photographed for Variety in November 2023/PHOTO CREDIT: Victoria Stevens
Her song, What Was I Made For?, has so many depths. Featured in a film (Barbie) where the central character is concerned about being anything other than stereotypical and perfect – but then goes into the real world and wants to be among normal people -, Eilish asks some probing questions. The chorus lyrics are especially striking and thought-provoking: “Cause I, I/I don't know how to feel/But I wanna try/I don't know how to feel/But someday, I might/Someday, I might”. Maybe I am not the most qualified person to discuss women’s sexuality and bodies in relation to sexist and misogynistic standards and the way the industry and many people sexualise them, though I am a big fan of Billie Eilish and she is someone who inspires so many others. As a hugely relevant and popular young women in the public eye, she is boldly and openly talking about her body and how she has been viewed. The standout quote from that interview, to me, is “I have to convince myself that I’m, like, a pretty girl,” she says. “I identify as ‘she/her’ and things like that, but I’ve never really felt like a girl”. That idea of, as a woman, she has to identify as ‘she/her’. Eilish questioning what it is to be a girl/woman and whether she is slightly abnormal. It is such a fascinating thought. Maybe not something men have to deal with, the way the media and society in general has an idea of what a woman should look like and how sexual they should be. It reminds me of the speech in Barbie delivered passionately and beautiful by America Ferrera (Gloria). One portion/section stands out in this case: “It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean”.
I think that it is going to take a long time for this to happen. So many women are wrestling with identity and sense of self. The media either obsessed with their bodies and objectifying them or calling them prudish if they dress normally or in baggy clothes. The idea that they need to be elegant and sexy. It is that Barbie speech and all the contradictions that are imposed on women. They can’t do right for doing wrong! Eilish does feel sexual sometimes, though she is not someone who always is going to feel like a woman – if that makes sense?! This woman in her twenties asking big questions and discussing sexuality, femininity, her body and the media’s lure is something that will resonate with so many women in music. And, yes, I know men are non-binary people are objectified and get abuse and judgement around their bodies, though I don’t think there is such a savage and relentless obsession and critique from the media. If empowering women like Dua Lipa want to perform and promote themselves looking provocative or sexy, that somehow gives the media a green light to objectify and be salacious. The view that all women need to be like that. Female sexuality and expression is a spectrum and is down to them. Even so, as Bille Eilish has said, there is confusion as to who she is meant to be and what a woman is – or, as her song title says, What Was I Made For? It is almost like art bleeding into real life (or vice versa). The idea that she (and so many other women) are not sure of how they should look. That constant war and battle they have with themselves and the larger world.
IN THIS PHOTO: Dua Lipa
Even if the Variety interview suggested an artist still struggling with womanhood and whether she feels like a woman, the speech she gave suggests things have changed. Maybe Eilish, in her twenties, is embracing her womanhood and not having to feel bad or apologise. Her speech was very emotional and tear-filled. It has been a tough road to acceptance, realisation and self-worth/love:
“The pop star, 21, was among the honorees at Variety’s Power of Women event on Thursday and shared an emotional speech about how she’s become very “proud” of her womanhood after having “never felt truly like a woman.” Throughout the speech, the Grammy winner reiterated that she’s “not a crying person,” but continued to tear up while reflecting on how she “resents” her past “internalized misogyny.”
Barbie star Ariana Greenblatt presented Eilish with the honor — reportedly with a speech about her “authenticity and fearlessness” and how much she cherishes their friendship. The “Bad Guy” singer then took the stage while still crying and joked about being on medication for laryngitis and having a hard time holding back her tears.
Once the hitmaker collected herself, she began opening up about her identity and experience in the spotlight. “I don’t like doing speeches because I would rather give my platform to people who know what the f--- they’re talking about,” she said “I was so young — I’m still young — but coming up and being 15, it’s really f---ing me up a little bit to think about. I don’t be crying, like I’m not a crying person. Like, I’m zooted right now, sorry.”
“But it’s really hard to be a woman out here guys. It’s hard,” she continued.
The singer-songwriter then spoke candidly about her own experience with her gender. “I’ve said this a lot recently, so if anybody’s heard me say this, I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record, but I’ve never felt truly like a woman,” she admitted. “I’ve spent a lot of my life not feeling like I fit in to being a woman.”
“I think for a couple years because of that insecurity, I became almost very ‘pick me’ about it, and I would be like, ‘Oh, I’m not like other girls because I don’t do this and this,” the Oscar-winning songwriter revealed. “I’ve grown to be very resentful of that period of time because I’m so much more interested in being like other girls because other girls are f---ing tight, and I love women.”
“This sounds kind of f---ed up, but I have a lot of internalized misogyny inside of me and I find it coming out in places I don’t want it to,” the songwriter shared. “And I have to say, with full transparency, I feel very grateful to be a woman right now. I feel very proud, and I feel very honored to be here”.
It is good that Eilish, in some way, is now more comfortable in her own body. I know this is a very recent transformation. Her words earlier this month will no doubt hit many girls and young women. Many other artists too. A more confident and less apologetic and confused artist who has the confidence to dress how she wants. Not having to ‘fit in’ or apologise for her body. Neither someone against being sexy nor feeling that this is what she needs to be heard, accepted and validated. I was completely entranced by the Variety interview and the speech she gave. Some different views on how she feels in her own skin. How she feels as a woman and what it means to be feminine. Eilish is someone who is going to go down in history as a music icon. Her fashion choices and way she speaks in interview is so refreshing and honest! At a moment when many women are being sexualised or feel they have to be a certain way in the industry to succeed and be merely on a level with men, Eilish’s mixture of some lingering questions and newfound acceptance of herself will give them strength and power. If some in the industry feels she needs to show her body or be a certain way, it is clear that the Los Angeles-born icon is not going to conform or do fit into this industry ‘ideal’. She is here to let her words speak and inspire and connect with others. That is…
WHAT she was made for!