FEATURE:
Long Live the Queens
IN THIS PHOTO: Emma-Louise Boynton
Showing Admiration for Some Truly Incredible Women
__________
IT seems to be a personal challenge…
IN THIS PHOTO: Jess Davies/PHOTO CREDIT: Rhiannon Holland
to those in power to make the world as awful as possible. There is genocide and violence across the world. Our world leaders not doing anything and, worse than this, facilitating it and also arresting and supressing those who protest (peacefully) against it. I am finding myself become angrier and angrier at men in position of power. In terms of the most awful things happening in the world right now, through to the ongoing cases of violence, abuse and sexual assault, it not only applies to powerful men. It does vastly apply to men. Although people say that not all men are the same, what is clear that the majority of the horror and injustices in the world is created by men. I am finding myself more and more complex by amazing women. Rather than this being a random feature or a reaction to the way men are destroying so much and abusing their power, I instead wanted to show respect and affection for some of the many women who inspire me. Or those that I am in awe of. This is sort of related to a feature I am going to write about The Trouble Club very soon. I have written about them a few times before and, in every feature, I say how amazing the women who speak are. Drawing from various fields, including business, the media and entertainment, I leave each event affected and enriched. Such powerfully compelling speakers, there have been so many examples of coming away from various events and them changing my life in very real ways. The most recent example is when hearing Candice Brathwaite speak at St Marylebone Parish Church on 2nd October. It was possibly the most memorable event I have ever been to in over two years as a member.
In front of a packed and hugely energetic, receptive and impassioned crowd, it was a sensational evening. One that left impressions on me. Brathwaite is a British author and advocate, who has made a significant impact with her work on motherhood and diversity. Manifesto was released last year. Such a captivating and incredible person, so much of what she said for The Trouble Club not only will stay for me, but everyone else was at the event. I am in a position where I need to move, am embarking on a new project and at a bit of a crossroads. Candice Brathwaite’s words hit deep and will definitely help me navigate challenges ahead. I left St Marylebone Parish Church stunned and uplifted at the same time. Stylist spoke with Candice Brathwaite in promotion of Manifesto:
“Manifesting is taking things from my dream life and moving them into reality; it’s trusting the vision and making it tangible.”
Talking to author, podcaster and speaker Candice Brathwaite is such a breath of fresh air, especially when discussing manifesting and wellness, subjects that have become synonymous with a particular type of woman. Usually, when you hear about manifestation, it’s coming from a person who is white, middle class, thin, ‘traditionally pretty’ and able-bodied.
It’s for this exact reason that Brathwaite has written her new book, Manifesto – not only to close that gap but to show people that manifesting can be for everyone, and not just those to whom the universe has already been kind.
Over Zoom, Brathwaite tells me that she had to go through hearing about wellness and manifesting from people who simply didn’t look like her or experience the world as she does. “It felt like no one had considered what manifestation looks like for people who feel as though they’re on the fringes of society. It’s all well and good a pretty, thin white woman telling you that you can live your dream life, but they’re born into a body of privilege, so they’re already ahead of the start line.” The author adds that there are so many women who look like her or exist in marginalised communities who won’t engage with manifestation because it’s not fronted by someone who looks like them.
But Manifesto isn’t just here to close a gaping hole in the manifestation world; it’s also a “love letter to my readers and a gift back to the people who have supported me for so long”. When people read and close the book, Brathwaite hopes it will spark some self-reflection. “So much of manifestation is rooted in how little you value yourself and that you believe you don’t deserve a better life,” she says.
Brathwaite’s latest book isn’t only for those who already have an interest in manifestation. As someone sceptical of manifesting as a practice, Manifesto opened my eyes to self-reflection and gave me a lot to think about. Brathwaite writes beautifully, brilliantly and with so much humour and personality that you can’t help but feel it’s as though the author herself is reading to you.
In an early section of Manifesto, Brathwaite talks about ASKfirmations and mentions that a big one for her is to reach a position within herself to be able to deliver keynote speaking events. In the past couple of weeks, the author was the keynote speaker for the Black Ballad Weekender, giving readers a real-life and live ASKfirmation that’s delivered in its power. “I’ve always wanted to have a career like Brené Brown or Mel Robbins, and I can completely see myself selling out stadiums around the world. But how am I going to do that if I’m scared to stand up and talk to 10 people? I knew I had to face this fear and I’m over the moon with the progress,” explains Brathwaite.
A key part of manifesting is remaining unrealistic and letting go of logic, according to Brathwaite. “Logic feels to me like this thing that’s been designed to make people come to a standstill in their life. There’s always this barrier stopping them. So, in my household, I always say, ‘Don’t let small logic rob you of big magic.’” The author wants readers to try to lean out of their logical brains and lean into manifestation. “Nothing about my life makes logical sense. The situation I was raised in – the violence, the poverty – to where I am now. If we had to put that in black and white, I was an absolute non-starter.” But Brathwaite approaches her life and her career with an “absolute, hardcore and unwavering faith that there is a way this can be done”.
Not to connect everything to The Trouble Club, but I will be mentioning someone who is about to appear for them, in addition to someone who I think would be a dream guests. In addition to an amazing campaigner and author who spoke for them recently. Someone who I have been following for years now and inspires me all of the time is Carly Wilford. I have interviewed her a couple of times, but I would love to revisit her career very soon. It is her passion for music and her sheer drive that affects me. Whilst Candice Brathwaite has opened my eyes and mind when it comes to manifesting and the hurdles she has faced (and how her husband being her agent/manager has been a needed and wonderful move), Carly Wilford has inspired me in a different way. Seeing reels and photos of her around the world and the joy she is bringing to so many. One of the world’s best and hardest working D.J.s, she is also an incredible Dance artist. It is her drive and enthusiasm that really gets into my heart. I have admired her work for many years now. You can check out her official website here. She has had such a varied career but she attacks everything with dedication and focus. As a D.J., in a male-dominated sector, she is this loved and incredibly talented D.J. whose brilliance and work ethic has affected me. I hope there are new interviews coming with Wilford. In 2023, nexus.radio spoke with this incredible human. I wanted to source some extracts from their feature and interview:
“During the lockdown, Carly Wilford dove into the world of music production, and in no time, she emerged as one of the most exciting newcomers in the dance music scene. Making her debut on Toolroom with the electrifying house track “Generation X,” Carly has continued to impress, consistently dropping a series of releases that showcase her talent with undeniable flair.
Unsurprisingly, Carly Wilford became a music maven with a keen sense of the industry, drawing from her diverse experiences in various realms. From her roots in radio broadcasting to steering her own meditation.
The latest from Carly finds her debuting on remixes with “Give You Up,” out on November 24 via Adesso Music. And she’s not hitting the brakes after just one remix. In her own words, “I’m about to release my remix that comes out in January. I’ve got a tune coming out and then a song on Armada, which is very cool. So yeah, they’re the labels that I work with closely. Apart from that, I’m busy in the studio working on those,” the DJ teased.
Earlier this year, Carly Wilford secured her spot among the 2023 Top 101 Producers globally, as unveiled by 1001Tracklists during this year’s Amsterdam Dance Event. This prestigious list honors artists who have played a crucial role in shaping the sonic landscape of the electronic music scene over the past year. Enjoying substantial support from Radio 1, Carly kicked off the Dance Stage at the recent Radio 1 Big Weekend in Dundee and graced the BBC Radio 1 Dance stage at the iconic Glastonbury festival.
But Carly’s journey hasn’t been a walk in the park, navigating the challenges of a male-dominated industry and confronting her own battles. When asked when she last had a good cry, she answered, “I always love a good cry. I’m quite good with happy tears. But also, I’m alright with crying. I think you need to. Sometimes, it makes you feel like a good release. [So], probably last week.” Despite the hurdles, her unwavering determination and compassionate spirit have elevated her to a position where she’s become an inspiration for thousands”.
Jess Davies is someone who I have mentioned and written about a few times this year. I saw her speak for The Trouble Club earlier in the year. She was discussing her book, No One Wants to See Your D*ck: A Handbook for Survival in the Digital World. It is a book that affected and shocked me. In terms of the statistics and information. The online world has opened women and young girls up to a whole new level of violence that follows them into their homes, schools and workplaces. Jess Davies writes about the ways in which girls and women are vulnerable to abuse and exploitation. Jess Davies shared her own experience. She has been the recipient of a lot of abuse and threats online. She is on social media and highlights the extent of misogyny and how technology and A.I. makes it easier for women to be abused and exposed. Her Instagram is full of shocking statistics and truths. How the online world especially is making it hugely dangerous and vulnerable for women and girls. In a recent post, Davies shares how she was “Invited to the Foreign Office to interview a policing representative (can’t tell you who yet!) for the launch of a new government initiative to tackle male violence against women and girls. The video will be shared next month so I can’t say too much yet but I’m looking forward to sharing what can only be a positive step in helping better protect women across the globe”. She is someone who is incredible inspiring to me and so many others. As a campaigner, she is constantly highlighting some harsh facts and realities. Experiences she and so many women face. As I said, she is the recipient of abuse and attack online, though she continues to speak up and out.
Emma Barnett will soon be a guest for The Trouble Club. Former host of BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour (she stepped down in 2024), she is now a presenter on the Today programme. One of my favourite broadcasters, she is someone I am also very envious of. Late last year, she spoke with Kate Bush. After releasing Little Shrew (Snowflake) and raising money for War Child, she was asked about the song and the video for it (which she directed). She was also asked about new work and whether we would see music in the future (which Bush said was a distinct possibility). I want to source from an interview with The Times from earlier in the year. She spoke about, among other things, “raw deal we give working mums and dads”. Barnett’s new book shines a light on the true nature and reality of maternity leave. Its highs and joys, but also its challenges and frustrations:
“We meet the day before her 40th birthday; she spent the previous weekend celebrating with her husband at the Newt, a blow-the-budget hotel in Somerset. Of their rare time without sprogs, she says: “I just want to talk to Jeremy. I find the constant interruption of thought and conversation really hard at times.” Later in the year she’ll host a proper party to celebrate 20 years with Weil, whom she met while studying history and politics at Nottingham University.
In the past she has written powerfully about enduring the pain caused by endometriosis and her struggles to conceive both children. She suffered a miscarriage and underwent five rounds of fertility treatment before her daughter arrived in 2023. “I was elated. I just couldn’t believe that she was here,” Barnett says. “I was just in sheer disbelief-slash-gratitude-slash-in-love. I really felt like something I didn’t think would happen had happened.”
PHOTO CREDIT: Sane Seven
Amid personal agonies, professionally, her thirties were triumphant. She worked as an editor at The Daily Telegraph while juggling roles as a presenter on LBC and later BBC Radio 5 Live. In 2021, aged 36, she became the youngest host of Women’s Hour while also co-presenting Newsnight (a stint that ran from 2019 to 2022). Last May she moved to Today. “The canvas on which you can do things on the Today programme is a very strong place for what I do,” she says.
There must be rivalries between her and her male co-presenters, Amol Rajan, Nick Robinson and Justin Webb, I say. “Well, there must be, yeah,” Barnett says witheringly. Clearly she is not about to spill the tea to me. She speaks highly of Mishal Husain, who left Today and the BBC in December: “Her interviews have been rightly praised as forensic… she had an amazing run.” Husain, now 52, took on Today when her sons were at primary school and spoke last year about how the early mornings worked well with family life. “As long as you are disciplined with your sleep. I would come home, have a nap and be with them after school,” Husain said.
There’s minimal socialising with her colleagues due to brutal shift patterns; although, while on maternity leave, she went to Webb’s house and recalls changing her daughter’s nappy on his kitchen table.
I mention that I’ve only just learnt that 41-year-old Rajan is a father of four. “Oh, he’ll tell you, don’t worry!” Barnett says, grinning. “His tea etiquette is a disgrace. He has three teabags left in and three sweeteners. It’s some kind of hot, weird milkshake. But he’s not getting a lot of sleep, so we definitely bond over that.”
After her 3.15am alarm goes off (plus a 3.21am back-up), she reads the news in the car to the BBC studios off Regent Street while listening to the dance band Faithless or other “quite hardcore music”. For maternity leave her Spotify playlist included Stormzy, Lizzo and Pink Martini.
As a proud Mancunian, loving music is in Barnett’s blood. She grew up as an only child in a Jewish family in Broughton Park, a smart suburb of Salford, with her father, Ian, a commercial property surveyor, and her mother, Michele. After leaving the private Manchester High School for Girls, where she was known as “Commitment Carol” due to her love of signing up for everything, she headed to Nottingham and then Cardiff for a postgraduate diploma in journalism”.
I am going to end with another interview from The Times, where someone I respect hugely chatted with Caitlin Moran (another incredible woman whose writing and words have inspired and influenced me). Emma-Louise Boynton is a writer, broadcaster and creator of the award-winning, sell-out live event series and media platform, Sex Talks. Sex Talks is a live series and podcast at The London Edition focused on opening up honest and frank conversations on sex, gender, and the future of intimacy. Boynton is an incredible interviewer. Her book, Pleasure: It’s Yours to Own, is out next May. I have previously written about how her recent interview with Munroe Bergdorf was amazing to watch. The connection and bond between them. How she interacts with her guests. A woman’s right advocate and broadcaster, Emma-Louise Boynton recently spoke with Megan Jayne Crabbe at Second Home Spitalfields for “an intimate and inspiring evening to celebrate the launch of her new book, We Don’t Make Ourselves Smaller Here , a powerful call for women to reclaim space, power, and self-worth”. Boynton recently spoke with Sophie Gilbert about her new book, Girl on Girl:
“ELB: The title Girl on Girl, at first intended as a joke, came to feel deeply appropriate as your research went on. Can you tell us about that shift?
SG: The phrase captured two linked harms: culture teaching women to hate themselves, and to be suspicious of other women, a breaking of sisterhood replaced by an individualist “girl-boss” ethos. I didn’t plan for porn to be so central, but the deeper I went the more it underwrote shifts in power, aesthetics, and behavior from the 70s onward — sometimes negatively, sometimes in productive ways.
ELB: You consciously resist memoir. Editors nudged you to add more of “you,” but you hold the book as history. Why keep yourself mostly out, especially when women writers are often steered toward confessional writing?
SG: It wasn’t a choice so much as it was a failure. I have written about myself in the past. I’m not afraid of doing it. I love reading personal writing. I feel like women who are able to be completely fearless on the page do a service for all of us, because they write down just these ways of being that otherwise we might never be in touch with. But every time I kept writing myself into the text it just was so bad: it was cringy, or it wasn’t getting at the point.
In the end I felt strongly that this was a history book. Women’s cultural history is rarely treated as capital-H History but I wanted to give it that weight. Small personal moments remain, but they’re not the point.
ELB: Let’s talk beauty and the body: the 90s/00s didn’t invent the beauty myth, but they re-engineered it. How did reality TV and the early internet narrow the ideal and normalize transformation as obligation?
SG: Reality TV shifted fame from talent to visibility. If you opened up your life, and crucially your body, to the cameras, you could be rewarded. The ideal was extremely narrow: thin, white, often blonde, hyper-groomed, the Paris-Hilton silhouette turned from aspiration into expectation. Around it grew a full “makeover logic,” where improvement was never-ending and public: there were only a couple of dozen makeover shows in 2004, and by the end of the decade there were more than 250. The message was simple: your body is a project, and it’s your job to keep renovating”.
Sonder & Tell spoke with Emma-Louise Boynton last year about Sex Talks and “breaking stigmas in the sex space and what it takes”. Boynton revealed her advice: “In starting or facilitating conversations around taboo topics you have to be willing to get things wrong and then own that and learn from your mistakes”:
“What is your mission with Sex Talks?
My mission is to spark more open and honest conversations around these typically taboo topics – sex, gender, intimacy – and remove the shame that so many of us feel about our relationship to our bodies. So, out of the pain and shame that surrounded my relationship to my body, has come my proudest achievement to date: Sex Talks.
Building a brand around taboo topics like sex can be challenging. What are your tips for starting safe, open conversations?
I think the notion of emotional safety, which is what I think we’re talking about here, is a tricky one because feeling emotionally safe is a subjective experience – it means something different to everyone. Nonetheless, the important thing for me is approaching every conversation from a position of curiosity and never judgement, being mindful to always use inclusive language and ensuring that a diverse range of voices are continually being included in discussions.
To state the obvious, I’m a posh, white woman, which gives me a specific and somewhat limited perspective and body of experiences when it comes to the broad range of conversations we have at Sex Talks. It also means I have blind spots. And that’s inevitable, we all have blindspots. But what I hope is then obvious in the way I curate and run Sex Talks is that I am always looking to reflect a range of voices and experiences in discussions by way of my interviewees. That, I think, is the key thing when it comes to starting conversations around topics we don’t typically discuss openly.
I also recognise that I’m going to make mistakes and there are going to be shortcomings, not least because you can never represent every single position and viewpoint in one conversation. But I am always prepared to throw my hands up and admit when I get something wrong, and that is also key. In starting or facilitating conversations around taboo topics you have to be willing to get things wrong and then own that and learn from your mistakes. So, stay curious, stay respectful and seek to constantly be learning from people outside of your bubble world.
Are there any storytellers you admire for the way they’re engaging with sex?
This is such a great question, I’ve never been asked this before. Over the summer I, like seemingly everyone else I know, became enthralled by Miranda July’s latest novel, All Fours. I found it refreshing for many reasons, chief amongst them that we seldom read, or watch or hear about the sexual desires and passions of women in that pre-menopausal stage of life. Ours is a society that puts such a premium on youth that we tend unconsciously, sometimes consciously, to desexualise people as soon as they’re above about 40, women in particular, which is ludacris.
Our relationship to sex changes and evolves as we get older – often I think in quite beautiful ways, as we get more comfortable in our bodies and shrug off some of those pesky layers of shame that get stuck to us from a young age – and this is something to celebrate rather than shy away from.
July’s protagonist, from whose perspective the book is written, is consumed by her sexual desires and relatable in how delusionally she projects these desires onto the object of her fancy (Davey). Despite the fact her chaotic nature grows grating at times, I felt genuinely thrilled reading about a woman so alive in her sexuality, and so selfish in her pursuit of carnal lust. As author, Elise Loehnan, writes in On Our Best Behaviour, while women are trained for goodness, men are trained for power, but in All Fours our protagonist isn’t even pretending to be good. She is prioritising her pleasure, her needs, her wants above everything and everyone else. However problematic you may find this (and I did, often) I think we need more flawed female protagonists who are sexual and desirous entirely for themselves, rather than for the gaze of others.
For everyone who has read All Fours, I have to also admit that I found the tampon scene probably the most erotic literary scene I’ve read in so long. And they didn’t even fuck”.
PHOTO CREDIT: Dan Kennedy
I am ending with a new interview from The Times, where two incredible women were in conversation. Moran was speaking with her heroine. Burke has a new memoir coming out, where she frankly and openly discusses her childhood. A Mind of My Own is out later in the month:
“There isn’t a hint of self-pity in Burke — not now, as we’re chatting, or in the book. Children, I often observe, are incapable of self-pity — they don’t have the perspective to know what they’re missing out on.
“But I knew I could be self-pitying,” Burke says, cheerfully. “I didn’t remember my mother at all. I didn’t miss her — because I didn’t know her. But I knew I was supposed to. I knew that if I turned on the waterworks — started crying, ‘I miss my mummy! My mummy’s dead!’ — I’d get some sweets or some chocolate just to calm down the tears.”
This lack of a mother became painfully apparent in the second incident that stopped Burke’s constant hunt for food: when an ice-cream van parked up on the estate and “a Cockney woman I’d never seen before suddenly appeared and shouted, ‘I’ve had a win on the bingo! Who wants an ice cream?’ ”
Considering this the best day ever, Burke and her friends ran over to the van, all screaming, “Me, please!” Burke was so delighted at the prospect of an ice cream “that I beamed at her with all my might”.
The bingo winner looked at Burke, then said, “Oooooh! Ain’t you ugly?”
Around the van, all the children started laughing hysterically — at Burke.
“My world stopped,” Burke writes.
It’s a truly awful anecdote to read. It’s on page 51 of the book — by which point, Burke has already been told she has “thin hair”, that she’s “fat”, that she “talks too much”. She is, at the time, eight. As a reader, you feel a desperate desire to travel through time, pick up that little girl and take her somewhere better.
“I can still remember that prickly feeling,” Burke says now. “It was a stand-out moment of, well … cruelty. But I can remember dealing with it quickly — and not crying. I just thought, ‘I’ve got to make everyone laugh more than they laughed at me”.
Kathy Burke is someone who I would love to see speak for The Trouble Club. She would be a hugely popular guest! Burke is someone I have admired for years. Someone who, in her memoir, discusses going from an Islington childhood to national treasure status. She is an incredible talent and this phenomenal human. Someone I am constantly in awe of. Her Twitter feed is one I would recommend everyone to check out. She is always honest and real. At such a retched and frightening time for humanity, where men in power are causing untold evil, I am more and more drawn to these simply amazing queens. Phenomenal women whose work and words are providing inspiration, strength and hope at a very bleak time. Even though I have spotlighted a few of my favourite women, there are so many more. Through the worlds of music, politics and beyond. They are providing guidance, strength and brilliance at a time when me and so many others need it. For that, I want to…
THANK them for that.